Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
