Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
love makes seman taste better
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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