i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
