Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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