Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
