Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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