I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
