Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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