if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
