she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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