Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
