we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
