end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
