the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
