IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
