dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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