I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
