where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
