I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
