three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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