I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
