He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
