Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fuck appropriateness.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
