Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
