i think i have two assholes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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