Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
