I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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