On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
whose parrot is this?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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