very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize