white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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