Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
