my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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