I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
high people should be assigned attendants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have aggressive nipples.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
