Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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