help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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