i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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