If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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