Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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