Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
