it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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