Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
