Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
