this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
