Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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