You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
