Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
