hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Randomize
