It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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