hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
