i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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