Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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