I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
where are you?
Hypothermia
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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