If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
