she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
