Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
