I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
