he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
