I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
