Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
