He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
