I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
