I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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