I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize