could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
